hurting a bit....

its funny, a few years ago, i heard this song and for the life of me, i couldn't relate to it, i didn't pay much attention but i thought it was just about the "singer"
today, i was looking for a song on youtube because i heard it was good and i stumbled upon the other song again. and because i now have ALOT more respect for said singer and i read somewhere that he dedicated this to his wife (im a sucker for that kind of thing) i listened to it again. i didnt even make it through the first verse without LITERALLY starting to cry (something i dont do much AT ALL) in this song, the singer (actually, i should say rapper, but i dont wanna...lol) talks about how it is to be missing someone and, i sure know how that feels, dont i? Lee has been gone for 1 year 1 week and 6 days, i dont have to mention all that he's missed, our son took his first steps a few days ago and his father had to ask for a PICTURE of it. its been hard for both of us.
i came to the realization that, every once in a while, it is ok for me to cry. what's sad is that, someone had to write a song about it for me to get it. but i guess it feels good to know that im not the only one dealing with this.
when i first heard this song, i remember i was in Spring Lake (NC, right near ft. bragg) at the "Rhino" (video game store, aka my second home during that time)
and my husband was deployed. that deployment was very hard on our relationship. i guess i was too young to deal with it. i don't wanna get into too much, lets just say that things went pretty bad and it almost ended our marriage. it took us almost a year to recover from it and we might not ever have recovered from it if i hadn't gotten pregnant, which really changed EVERYTHING (in a good way) anyway,i just wanna say that i love my husband and i miss him a lot.
i wish i was better at showing it. most people think i don't care, that i don't hurt inside. even that im cold. thats not true. i hurt. i just cant show it well and to be honest, i dont wanna feel it. so pretend that i dont.
hearing this song, tore down this wall with just these simple words:
it's hard to be away from each other. it's hard.










forgive the emotional outpour, i just needed to say this.
thanks for reading.